GQ runs down Douchebag U

We’ve seen the USA Today Coaches’ Poll, the AP Top 25, and now GQ has stepped up to the plate with its rundown of “America’s Top 25 Douchiest Colleges.” Some are major, some are mid-major, and the state of South Carolina even makes an appearance.

GQ Top 25
1. Brown
2. Duke
3. Princeton
4. Harvard
5. Deep Springs (Calif.)
6. Bob Jones
7. Amherst
8. Rollins (Fla.)
9. Charter (Wasilla, Alaska)
10. Colorado
11. NYU
12. University of Phoenix
13. Georgia
14. Arizona State
15. Notre Dame
16. Southern Cal
17. University of Chicago
18. Boston University
19. Ohio State
20. Morehouse
21. Trinity
22. Vassar
23. Randolph-Macon
24. Texas
25. Virginia

In our opinion, if you want to go to an aristocratic private school in Virginia, try Washington & Lee or Hampden-Sydney. Why, oh, why would you go to school in Ashland? Were you really that jazzed up about spending four years in Hanover County? Drunk bus aside, it’s a 30 minute drive to do anything, unless you get your rocks off going to Civil War battlefields and enjoying Richmond’s exurban sprawl.

Back to the matter at hand. GQ definitely had some fun with Bob Jones.

No. 6, Bob Jones University
Home of: The “not even College Republicans at Other Schools will Talk to You” Douche
Affectations: White robe; hair shirt; Library of Congress–size porn stash.
Ten years from now, will be: Forming your own branch of the Ted Haggard sexuality-reprogramming ministry.

Extracurriculars also came in for some jokes.

As for Carolina, all anyone knows outside of the South is the “Cocks” merchandise, so naturally:

While Georgia does make the list, the magazine’s synopsis could be used for 11 of the 12 SEC institutions, as well as most other major schools in the South (Vanderbilt is twinned to Duke, natch). After all, without the reference to Uga, this could easily be USC. Or Alabama. Or Tennessee. Or Ole Miss.

No. 13, Georgia
Home of: The Ducks-Unlimited Douche
Affectation: Fully loaded black Chevy Tahoe with fishing boat lashed to top and backseat full of Realtree camo hunting gear.
Prized possession: White bulldog with notarized papers proving a bloodline to Uga IV.
Overheard at Gator Haters: “What happened to duck hunting this morning, boy?” “Fuck, man! We were gonna go, but we raged downtown last night, then went to a late-night, and when I got home to pass out, my wake-up alarm was already going off.” “Fuck!”