Bauer’s eyebrows win first debate

Last night’s gubernatorial debate between 10 — 10 — candidates was largely a genial affair in which the Democrats and Republicans were mixed with each other by alphabetical order. Because it was sponsored by an environmental organization, the questions centered around environmental protection and issues surrounding economic development, energy exploration and their impact on the flora and fauna, air and water of our state.

In truth, it was more fun to watch the unusual things. Like, say, Lt. Gov. André Bauer’s high-performing eyebrows. This is an old story, oft-told, but it’s just too damn entertaining. Years ago, we were hanging out at a bar where Liberty is now. It was back when, we believe, Bauer was still in the House. A gal from Carolina who did some work at the S.C. Democratic Party ran into Bauer there one night. She was tall, had red hair, always had the just-right clothes and makeup. From our perspective, she was pretty hot and the type of gal who had a penchant for older men. Anyway, they meet and start talking and hit it off, and he invited her to hang out on a boat on Lake Murray. Then, he kind of had a unibrow thing going on, and it tweaked her a little bit. The way she told the story, she went out to the boat with shaving cream and a razor, which was not received well. Ah, fun and games.

Somebody please head out to the store and pick up Sen. Robert Ford a neck. His head is sitting right there on his shoulders with nothing separating them. Where did the neck go? Is there a lost-and-found for body parts that just up and disappear? This sounds like it rises to the level of a full-blown legislative investigation. We just can’t keep allowing needed parts of our elected officials to go off on their own.

In an interesting occurrence, we switched Sen. Larry Grooms with U.S. Sen. Joe Lieberman, circa 2004. Let’s see if they notice! The end-of-debate push for text updates was simply classic. It eerily reminded us of Lieberman’s debate exhortations for watchers to go to joe2004.com. The man has Groomentum.

There was a second Folger’s slight-of-hand, in which we switched Atty. Gen. Henry McMaster with Colonel Sanders.

We’re wondering when the S.C. Policy Council is going to lay the wood to its friend, Rep. Nikki Haley, for saying that South Carolina needs to provide incentives to businesses. The leadership in the General Assembly did a pretty damn good job of putting together an incentive package to bring Boeing’s 787 Dreamliner production to the state, and the Policy Council went on a week-long wet blanket party afterward.

Also, cavemen, Aaron Eckhart and a few handsome gentlemen.

On a serious note, we were impressed with Dwight Drake’s performance. If he can challenge for the Democratic lead in the money race, he is going to be a real force. However, his continual references as a gubernatorial adviser is beginning to sound like former U.S. Sen. John Edwards’ “son of a mill worker” refrain.

Choice quotes from the night:

Ford: “We got the natural resources in South Carolina. That’s why I propose ‘South Carolina the Beautiful,’ which is a part of my platform, which would employ 100,000 new people in the largest film movie studio industry in the country.”

Ford: “Tell the members not to steal my idea, my ‘South Carolina the Beautiful’ theme.”
Moderator: “Is your idea for sale?”
Ford: “Probably not.”

McMaster: (pats McLeod on the back) “I’ve known Mullins for years. Excellent lawyer. Whole family of lawyers.”

Ford: “That’s why I introduced S. 42, which called for offshore drilling. I would like to remind the panel that in Louisiana, they have serious, serious hurricanes. In fact, during Katrina, the worst hurricane in American history, not one pelican was lost.”

Grooms: “I want to be the first governor to drill a hole.”