Democratic senatorial nominee made another of his rare attempts to leave the Manning city limits on Sunday to, of all things, go golfing. Lowcountry resident Gary Shea invited Greene down to Murrells Inlet course Indigo Creek Golf Club just to find out who the man was, if anything. The idea of actually following through with taking Greene along to hit some balls around is simply genius.
Shea said he’s not a political person but wanted to get to know Greene better. Still, he was careful about approaching Greene on a couple of subjects.
“I did ask him about the bobblehead-doll-action-figure thing,” Shea said.
At the beginning of July, Greene attracted quite a bit of attention when he proposed making Alvin Greene toys as a way to create jobs. “Another thing we can do for jobs is make toys of me, especially for the holidays. Little dolls,” he had said.
Shea said it didn’t come across that way, but “it was just a metaphor. He said his real goal is to help improve the economy, and some of that has to be done through retail and creating jobs. If he had said he really wanted his own bobblehead dolls and action figures, well. …”
Greene took off early from the outing, which was chalked up to the heat, though we’d throw it in with his erratic behavior that South Carolinians have come to expect. What would have been good — really good — is if Larry David showed up on at a golf course down there and to satisfy his curiosity, brought Greene along with his foursome. Really, the guys at “Curb Your Enthusiasm” have to get on top of this for the next season. The chances for comedy are limitless.
When you want to see what is the epitome of a slow news day, just check out a bylined story on, of all things, college students getting arrested for a keg party. Well, a couple kids at USC-Upstate got their names in print today for having a party off campus as students tend to do, especially at the beginning of the semester. We can only imagine what would happen if Richland County deputies decided to take on the same responsibilities as their Spartanburg County counterparts.
The county’s Tobacco and Alcohol Compliance team, working on a tip that a party was under way where underage drinking would occur, responded to 110 Sherborne Drive late Friday. On the scene, officers spoke with 12 underage people who admitted they had been drinking at the party, an incident report states.
A search of the residence revealed two other people hiding in the attic and one hiding under a bed.
Master Deputy Tony Ivey of the Spartanburg County Sheriff’s Office said Sunday that with the fall semester having begun, or about to begin, at area colleges, the TAC team most likely will step up efforts to “locate, close down and cite or arrest those individuals found to be providing alcohol” to people younger than 21.
We knew that the culture in the Upstate seems to be stuck in the Prohibition Era, but damn. Your local tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen — stopping college freshmen and sophomores from partaking of cheap keg beer. We do give props to the two kids who went into the attic, though. When you can’t run from the house in a flat sprint, an attic certainly beats shuffling under a bed for trying to hide. Also, kids, next time keep down the noise and try to find a place in a more friendly neighborhood.
As we move closer to Election Day, Slate has begun a new handicapping game called Lean/Lock, in which you predict who will win a selected group of gubernatorial and congressional elections. The way it works is, you take your own knowledge of the races, the current Pollster.com averages and others’ picks to decide whether you want to lean toward one candidate, or lock your choice. Here’s where the strategy comes in — you lean for races you’re not sure of, then locking it when you’re certain. But, the earlier you lock a race and picked the correct candidate, you accumulate 20 extra points per day.
It’s pretty easy to do — just go to the page, sign in through Facebook, make your picks and bang-o, there you go. The final tally won’t be until the elections, but Slate‘s keeping a running leaderboard as if Election Day was today. It’s a nice little time waster. Even South Carolina has a couple races on the list. As for us, we decided to commit to most of the races early, screw the indecision.
WR LEAN/LOCKS
Hypothetical score, Aug. 22: 2042 out of 2490
SENATE
Arkansas Senate: Blanche Lincoln (D) v. John Boozman (R), Lean: Lincoln
California Senate: Barbara Boxer (D) v. Carly Fiorina (R), Lock: Boxer
Colorado Senate: Michael Bennet (D) v. Ken Buck (R), Lock: Bennet
Connecticut Senate: Richard Blumenthal (D) v. Linda McMahon (R), Lock: Blumenthal
Illinois Senate: Alexi Giannoulias (D) v. Mark Kirk (R), Lock: Giannoulias
Indiana Senate: Brad Ellsworth (D) v. Dan Coats (R), Lock: Coats
Kentucky Senate: Jack Conway (D) v. Rand Paul (R), Lean: Conway
Louisiana Senate: Charlie Melancon (D) v. David Vitter (R), Lock: Vitter
Missouri Senate: Robin Carnahan (D) v. Roy Blunt (R), Lock: Blunt
Nevada Senate: Harry Reid (D) v. Sharron Angle (R), Lock: Reid
New Hampshire Senate: Paul Hodes (D) v. Kelly Ayotte (R), Lock: Hodes
Ohio Senate: Lee Fisher (D) v. Rob Portman (R), Lock: Portman
Pennsylvania Senate: Joe Sestak (D) v. Pat Toomey (R), Lock: Sestak
South Carolina Senate: Alvin Greene (D) v. Jim DeMint (R), Lock: DeMint
GOVERNOR
California Governor: Jerry Brown (D) v. Meg Whitman (R), Lock: Brown
Illinois Governor: Pat Quinn (D) v. Bill Brady (R), Lock: Quinn
Massachusetts Governor: Deval Patrick (D) v. Charlie Baker (R), Lock: Patrick
Ohio Governor: Ted Strickland (D) v. John Kasich (R), Lock: Strickland
South Carolina Governor: Vince Sheheen v. Nikki Haley (R), Lock: Haley
Texas Governor: Bill White (D) v. Rick Perry (R), Lock: Perry
HOUSE
California 11: Jerry McNerney (D) v. David Harmer (R), Lock: McNerney
Colorado 4: Betsy Markey (D) v. Cory Gardner (R), Lock: Markey
Idaho 1: Walt Minnick (D) v. Raul Labrador (R), Lock: Labrador
Michigan 1: Gary McDowell (D) v. Dan Benishek (R), Lock: Benishek
Nevada 3: Dina Titus (D) v. Joe Heck (R), Lock: Heck
North Dakota At-Large: Earl Pomeroy (D) v. Rick Berg (R), Lock: Berg
Ohio 15: Mary Jo Kilroy (D) v. Steve Stivers (R), Lock: Stivers
Virginia 5: Tom Perriello (D) v. Robert Hurt (R), Lock: Hurt
Anyway, have at it, boys and girls.
There’s about zero we like about Sarah Palin. She peaked with us after a Wonkette post showed her unveiling the Alaska quarter while sporting knee-high leather boots and a rather fetching skirt. Then, we weren’t subject to two of her most irritating qualities, which are what she says and the accent she says it in. Then U.S. Sen. John McCain had to let his staff push her on him and America and all was lost, forever. Lately, her whole “mama grizzly” schtick has become simply too much.
But God forbid a liberal group leave that awful trope alone. EMILY’s List is all over this, placing liberal mothers in bear suits. Guess all we can say is kudos for them for finding people willing to put on these outfits and go on a video that is viewable worldwide. Really, we know some Democratic moms who can’t stand Palin’s song-and-dance, but we’d be hard-pressed to see them donning a furry bear getup and going on camera.
If you’d pick out one area, and let’s say it’s a Southern area, to classify as the “asshole of the United States,” many places would have to beat out the entire state of South Carolina for that honor, even in the wake of the Alvin Greene comedy of errors. Good portions of southern Georgia, southern Alabama, eastern Tennessee, northern Louisiana, most of Mississippi and close to all of Arkansas. The Natural State really is tops in the running, if you’d slag an entire state. Corporate chicken farms, Wal-Mart, weather from the ninth circle of Hell and the municipality of West Memphis. When we lived there, they allowed clear-cutting in state forests. But back to the matter at hand.
The Gawker blogs, and Gawker in particular, trade on what everyone else does these days, which is jokes about current events. It’s in the comment section of the blogs where the fun happens, and one particular Charlestonian had enough with South Carolina’s clowning out.
In light of what Sen. Hugh Leatherman wants to do with capping tuition increases, it’s funny to think about the sort of world that would happen if the S.C. Policy Council would get its way. After all, the SCPC has seen little of any government – public sector – spending that it likes. And it seems to have a hard-on for defunding all public education in South Carolina, whether it’s K-12 or higher ed.
Now, we’re pretty sure of our audience. We’re pretty sure y’all trade in argumentative fallacies, logical fallacies, the sort of ways about speaking of one’s position that are easily broken apart by level-headed thinking and basic common sense. But those arguments are the bread-and-butter of politics. They’re what you’ll see in handouts, mail pieces, advertisements, stump speeches and stand-up comedy routines.
So let’s have some fun with the Policy Council.
One big player this year, and probably in the GOP presidential primary race, is former U.S. Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich. Newt’s a big fan of alternate history, along with writing partner and author William R. Forstchen. Let’s do a bit of alternate future, aye?
Beginning, the SCPC gets what it wants. Government in South Carolina, as we knew it, is gone. No statewide law enforcement, regulation, everything. The Palmetto State falls into “failed state” status as much as we all learned in early-level political science classes. The federal government, fed up with our antics and devoid of S.C. federal officials who will cooperate with the federal government, gives up on us. We devolve into a weird combination of post-1992 Somalia, 18th century Russia and plutocratic rule and a theocracy.
South Carolina does have a government, at its basic form, but it’s really strange. Ceding to people who have been involved, we have multiple capitals. Amalgamated Industry & Agriculture, the corporate group that handles everything dealing with money and commerce, buys the State House complex and handles disputes in Columbia. The rest of the United States and the world consider this the “Commerce Capital.”
A strong band of armed social conservatives claim part of the power vacuum for itself, establishing a ruling order in the Upstate to handle every vice and everything you do with your naughty, naughty genitals. Originally located in Greenville, a breakaway, fundamentalist group establishes a new religious government in Spartanburg. So now you have two groups of statewide religious police checking up on you. Be careful, brother.
The Grand Strand is ceded to North Carolina, and Hilton Head is ceded to Georgia. Too many people were having trouble figuring how to work Yankee-heavy areas into our new combination of free markets and religious fundamentalism. Yankees who feel like they belong apply, and are given permanent resident status, as long as they absolve all fealty to the Big Ten, the NBA and anything regarding to sports north of Baltimore or west of Austin. Being a hockey fan is considered a capital crime.
Congress, working slowly but worked into a frenzy because of the developments, sends Georgia and North Carolina national guard units to run border patrol. Initially, powered by Twitter and Facebook, many moderates, liberals, intellectuals, artists and other sorts took off for Charlotte and Savannah before the borders close. Rural residents and sportsmen who know the border regions and are friendly to criminals who become known as “RINOs,” “Democrats,” “educators,” “reporters,” “musicians,” “good-time Johnnys” and “those who are too big for their britches” are under special scrutiny from the Upstate moralist squads.
As the situation unfolds from the mountains to the river, Charleston figures out what’s up, organizes a government unto itself and rejoins the United States, a historical irony by itself. A city-state of a fashion, the Commonwealth of Charleston maintains its connection to America, but with an independence that befits the Holy City and its denizens. CC takes within its bounds all of Charleston County, and parts of neighboring cities and counties. The Jasper County port situation, to put it mildly, becomes a little more complicated. And by complicated, we mean issues with all-powerful corporations, multiple governmental entities and firearms. Wait – nevermind. That’s exactly how it is now.
Oh, the more things change….
Cheeseburgers. If you get one while dining out, chances are pretty good that it’s been fried, that the cheese is processed and the buns aren’t exactly whole grain. Eat enough, and they tend to be a contributing factor to clogging one’s arteries, among other physical ailments. They’re not particularly good for automobiles, either.
This week, a Rock hill woman, according to The Herald discovered her car was running “rugged” and took it into the shop. Surely, the mechanic must have been stymied until he tracked the problem back to the gas tank. That’s when he found it. A cheeseburger. And a pickle.
The lunch caused about $1,000 in damages to the car. It is not known how the sandwich got inside the vehicle’s tank.
Eh, maybe the car was just hungry.
Southeastern Conference football fans typically do not have an all-time favorite pro team, being that college football in the South captured the irrational devotion of the populace before the NFL was a gleam in George Halas‘ eye. Most people end up with tepid support of the most local team, or historically, where the latest stud(s) has been drafted. The jorts-clothed, Trans Am-driving north-central Florida denizens are not unlike everyone else, and have said in a unified voice to former quarterback Tim Tebow, “We can’t quit you.”
Tebow has left. No more stories about circumcising Filipino boys and Bible verses on eye black on “College GameDay.” Or so we hope. He’s gone off to Denver as the latest rookie signal caller in the Mile High City. But it just ain’t over. Florida fans, support your Tebow. A heady Broncos fan has started up TebowTees.com, which can be pretty creative when it comes to T-shirt designs. We’re angling for this one:
Our wonderful Wonkette is starting an award series, called, naturally, the “Weeping Eagle Awards.” Today, the nominations went up for “America’s Bright Young Shining Star of American Political Insanity.” No, Rep. Nikki Haley is not a choice, but the Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate, Alvin Greene, is. While Greene didn’t need much campaigning to get his improbable result in the primary, and therefore will likely win this with 115 percent of the vote, we urge you to vote for the Man from Manning.
It’s not like he’s alone out there — the competition is fierce.
Now, go forth and vote — right hyah, if you please — and help bring a Weagle back to the Palmetto State.
In college towns that don’t have the benefit of being the state capital, the summer can be pretty tough for the permanent 20-something denizens. Money’s tight, and people aren’t hiring because most kids went home and business is deader than Roger Federer’s Wimbledon hopes. Makes you get a little creative.
Take, for example, one 24-year-old gentleman who hails from the Druid City. Is he regularly cleaning the area reserved for Nick Saban’s statue? No. Waiting tables at Dreamland? Not so much. Nope, this rather fit individual is pimping himself out to local women as a sexy handyman of some type. No doubt, he’d be up for “special requests.”
Tall, muscular guy in T-Town wondering if any lovely ladies would be interested in any help around the house in exchange for some honest pay? Any wages would be negotiable and can send more pics upon request. Please include a pic of yourself with your response, and put “help” in the subject line so I can weed out spam…Roll Tide!
Yes, even when you’re whoring yourself out, don’t forget to be true to your school.
