We get a lot of weird emails over here, and this is the fruit of one of the weirdest, and most entertaining. Behold, the rhyme of the S.C. primary.

“We Got a Primary”
Jim Clyburn robo-callin’ me all day like a stalker ex
Vinny Sheheen sayin’ ain’t no runoff with Jim Rex
Kelly Payne damn changin’ the game for ed
Joe Wilson all “You lie” — oh, no, that’s what Haley said
What, what — it’s the primary down here in S.C.
What, what, got CNN, Chuck Todd, MSNBC
What, what, got Jakie Knotts, two more shots, burning crosses in Santee
What, what, know Wes Wolfe can only vote absentee

Callin’ all you Tea Party yellow coiled snake flag wavers
McMaster clowns got Will Folks doin’ Andre Bauer favors
Got emails, videos, private eyes out takin’ pictures
Bill Connor goin’ all “Too much of this” on Larry Richter
Everybody tweetin’ “Where the party at tomorrow evenin’?”
Bauer got a bus full of young chicks, cross the state line he leavin’
What, what it’s the primary down in Succa-lina
What, what, got national politicos sayin’ “Mmmmmm, nothin’ fine-uh”
What, what, got Gina Smith and her homeboy John O’Connah
What, what, got a primary down in Succa-lina
What, what, got a primary down in Succa-line

The original post left out Eleanor Kitzman. After going through about 14 primaries, leaving someone (or a few someones) out was bound to happen. Apologies.

While we’re on the trope of South Carolina reality shows, the one for the GOP lieutenant governor’s race would no doubt be “Big Money, Small Job.” No matter how candidates for the office try to play it up, the LG position is relatively useless, and had to have the Office on Aging moved into it to justify its existence. The three gentlemen, and one lady, running for the nomination have raised a lot of money and spent a lot of money just to get there. Larry Richter took out a large loan, spent more than $450,000 in only seven weeks.

KEN ARD
Contributions: $17,968.20
(In kind: $2,167.20)
Expenditures: $184,836.36
Cash on hand: $177,894.90

Significant contributions
Katrina Shealy, $50
Former state Senate candidate
S.C. Health Care PAC, $3,500
Political action committee
Les Tindal, $100
Former state agriculture commissioner

Significant expenditures
Gadsden & Greene Strategies (reimbursement, consulting), $915.11, $8,000, $2,500, $3,871.26, $8,000
True South (media buy), $1,000
MailerMailer (Web site), $34.95, $29.95
WHNS (media), $4,675, $2,550
WLOS (media), $1,313.25, $688.50
WSPA (media), $10,276.50, $6,175.25
WYFF (media), $24,798.75, $8,223.75
WACH (media), $1,912.50, $773.50
WIS (media), $7,076.25, $3,587
WOLO (media), $1,572.50, $1,236.75
WWMB (media), $1,032.75, $1,564
WPDE (media), $6,183.75, $4,479.50
WBTW (media), $7,730.75, $4,092.75
WMBF (media), $956.25, $500
WTAT (media), $510
WFXB (media), $357
WCSC (media), $2,596.75
WCIV (media), $599.25
WCBD (media), $2,078.25
WLTX (media), $1,836
Campaign Services (voter contact), $25,000

BILL CONNOR
Contributions: $44,389.48
(In-kind: $298.74)
Expenditures: $59,834.06
Cash-on-hand: $216,200.19

Significant contributions
Dean Fowler, $100
Florence County treasurer
Edwood Earwood III, $25
Director of S.C. Association of Christian Schools
S.C. Health Care PAC, $3,500
Political action committee
Uzoamaka Eweama, $200
Ft. Jackson chaplain
Tilman Self III, $500
Ga. Superior Court judge
Howard Stravitz, $250
Professor, USC Law School
Dennis Corporation, $2,800
Construction company
Dennis Corporation Development, $3,500
Construction company
Daniel Dennis, $1,700
Construction

Significant expenditures
Palmetto Conservative Alliance (media buy, email), $8,500, $11,000
CRM Sports (ads), $2,166×2
Rep. Wendy Nanney (grassroots coordination), $1,750×2
Kings Knight Strategies (staff), $4,000, $3,500
Leslie Gaines (fundraising), $3,441.02
Sandlapper Group (signs, consulting), $6,000, $4,000
WW Consulting (consulting), $1,200
PRWeb (news release distribution), $460

LARRY RICHTER
Contributions: $253,730
(Loan: 225,000)
(In-kind: 180)
Expenditures: $454,881.21
Cash on hand: $20,178.86

Significant contributions
S.C. Health Care PAC, $3,500
Political action committee
Gene Reed, $2,500
Auto dealer

Significant expenditures
RightWayRobos.com (robo calls), $9,110.35, $369.55
Media One (email list), $10,400
The Richter Firm (reimbursement), $14,096.80
Dresner, Wickers & Associates (media buy, reimbursement), $174,800, $337.97, $6,226.47, $163,000, $13,711.56, $16,453.88
TCV Media (emails), $732.53
S.C. Press Services (emails), $120
Rod Shealy (field services), $2,751
Research Services (calls), $4,000

ELEANOR KITZMAN
Contributions: $101,005.23
(Loan: $1,000)
(In-kind: $1,305.23)
(Personal funds: $150)
Expenditures: $96,699.24
Cash on hand: $18,387.31

Significant contributions
Blue Cross Blue Shield of S.C., $3,000
Insurance company

Significant expenditures
Blue Ocean Discovery (consulting), $22,000, $35,000, $10,000, $15,000
Catalyst-Think (Web services), $4,030.50
Stonewall Strategies (consulting), $5,000

Bill Connor, who is running for the Republican nomination for lieutenant governor, announced today that he was suspending his campaign temporarily to teach a class for Army majors relating to command, leadership and other assorted duties to prepare them for going into a war zone.

Per his news release:

“While it would have been politically advantageous to have been able to skip these duties and continue campaigning, my military commitments must come first,” Connor said. “It is a privilege and a high honor to be able to teach these fine men and women the importance of combat leadership and the day to day strategies of combat tactics. The men and women who wear the uniform of the United States military represent the finest traditions of sacrifice and leadership our country offers. These fine officers will remain in my thoughts and prayers throughout their tours overseas. I hope and pray for their safe return at the end of a successful mission.

“While I will miss being on the campaign trail for these five days, I look forward to my return on Monday, and to the final five week campaign sprint to the primary finish line,” Connor concluded.

While normally a suspension of a campaign is prelude to ending that campaign, this looks like what any other reservist would have to do when called to active duty for a short amount of time during a political effort.

The four big candidates for lieutenant governor went live with their disclosure reports, and at the outset, Ken Ard is leading all comers. He’s got the most cash on hand. Bill Connor and Larry Richter went toe-to-toe to raise the most money among Republicans, discounting the 100 large Connor put into his own operation. What’s interesting is that in the first quarter of this year, Democrat Ashley Cooper outraised everybody (discounting Connor’s loan). Of course, Cooper will be fighting from behind, as his cash on hand is trailing everybody else.

Republicans
KEN ARD
Contributions: $48,658
Expenditures: $90,696.69
Cash on hand: $344,713.06

Significant contributions
Mike Reino, $50
Blogger extraordinaire
Neal Thigpen, $200
Professor
Burnie Maybank, $250
Attorney
Dennis Corporation, $250
Developer

Significant expenditures
Gadsden & Greene (consulting, reimbursement), $3,871.26, $8,000×3, $6,871.26
Genesis Creative Studios (Web site, video editing), $437.50
Campaign Services (printing), $6,744.39, $12,058.04, $3,871.56

BILL CONNOR
Contributions: $170,620.18
(including $100,000 loan)
Expenditures: $48,727.41
Cash on hand: $231,644.77

Significant contributions
Oscar Lovelace, $100
Former candidate for governor
Christina Jeffrey, $50
Candidate for U.S. Congress
Bo Aughtry, $250
Businessman
Gary Taylor, $150
Candidate for HD-69

Significant expenditures
Aristotle (credit card processing), $1,082.87
PR Web (press release distribution), $200
R.B. Cooper (grassroots coordination), $2,000
Leslie Gaines (fundraising consulting), $2,777.81, $500
Kirkman Broadcasting (advertising), $2,400
Kings Knight Strategies (consulting), $3,500×2, $4,300
WW Consulting (consulting), $2,400, $1,200
CRM Sports (advertising), $2,166
Carolina Zoom Productions, $600×2
WHNS (advertising), $200, $1,500
WACH (advertising), $637.50
Sandlapper Group (consulting), $2,000
WTAT (advertising), $700

LARRY RICHTER
Contributions: $78,700
Expenditures: $107,019.93
Cash on hand: $221,330.07

Significant contributions
MVP Group, $3,500
Company
Greg Ryberg, $1,000
State senator

Significant expenditures
Rod Shealy (consulting), $4,000, $25,000
TCV Media (Web site), $5,320, $2,302
dTv (advertising), $3,395, $485
ZMA (advertising), $39,272.65
Dresner, Wickers & Associates (retainer) $5,000

Democrat
ASHLEY COOPER
Contributions: $137,161.07
Expenditures: $33,078.49
Cash on hand: $104,582.58

Significant contributions
John Palms, $2,464.36, $1,035.64
Former president of the University of South Carolina
Brad Hutto, $500
State senator
Phil Bailey, $50
Director, S.C. Senate Democratic Caucus
Boyd Summers, $100
Chairman, Richland County Democratic Party
Phil Leventis, $200
State senator
Peter Tecklenburg, $50
Former staffer for U.S. Sen. Fritz Hollings
Stephen Wukela, $500
Attorney
Nelson Mullins Riley & Scarborough PAC, $3,500
Law firm
Dick Harpootlian, $1,000
Former S.C. Democratic Party chairman
Ernest Hollings, $1,000
Former U.S. Senator
Boyd Brown, $200, $1,000
State representative

Significant expenditures
The Back Porch (event costs), $300
Washington Promotions and Printing (printing), $1,437.27
Benchmark Strategies (fundraising), $6,683
Harbor Light Media (Web site), $1,500, $3,833
McIntosh Consulting (consulting), $2,000×2
NGP Software (software), $4,400

Hey, look — we get to totally edit this post, thanks to Ken Ard’s campaign’s idea to hold off until very late on the last day of the disclosure grace period to submit its fourth quarter 2009 disclosure report. Here’s how it goes right now — Bill Connor raised the most money in the last quarter, but has the least on hand. Rep. Tim Scott raised a goodly amount of money, but spent a ton, too. Ken Ard would look like the big man in this race, except that he loaned himself $100,000 for this quarter and $300,000 overall.

BILL CONNOR
Contributions: $128,736.52
Expenditures: $57,000.58
Cash-on-hand: $109,752

Significant contributions
None.

Significant expenditures
Kings Knight Strategies (staff), $3,000, $3,000, $1,474.33, $5,000, $3,500
Sandlapper Group (consulting), $3,000, $16,545.21
Donehue Agency (fundraising consultation), $1,313.95, $677.62, $2,838.70

TIM SCOTT
Contributions: $101,872
Expenditures: $89,433.71
Cash-on-hand: $170,091.31

Significant contributions
Blue Cross Blue Shield of South Carolina, $3,500
Insurance company
Arthur Ravenel, $1,000
Former U.S. representative
Burnie Maybank, $500
Chairman of the Taxation Realignment Commission
Nelson Mullins, $1,000
Law firm
Hall & Bowers, $2,000
Law firm
Chad Walldorf, $500
Chairman, S.C. Club for Growth

Significant expenditures
Brian Goff (campaign work), $7,950
Nexsen Pruet (event expenses), $2,922
Adam Piper (campaign work), $1,000
Rod Shealy (consulting), $22,300
Chris Sullivan (consulting), $4,500
Joe McKeown (campaign work), $9,000
Sherlock & Gaines (consulting), $2,425

KEN ARD
Contributions: $111,075
Expenditures: $49,197.55
Cash-on-hand: $386,751.75

Significant contributions
Gayle Averyt, $1,000
Chairman emeritus, Colonial Life
Rep. Ralph Norman, $1,000
State representative

Significant expenditures
Gadsden & Greene Strategies (staff reimbursement, consulting), $3,871.26, $8,000, $4,171.26, $8,000, $3,871.26, $2,566.44

Former State Treasurer Grady Patterson has passed away, leaving South Carolina without yet another long-time state political figure. Unlike the gentleman who defeated Patterson in 2006, the man appeared perfectly happy to serve the Palmetto State in a relatively unheralded position. Democratic operative Trav Robertson probably knew Patterson as well as anybody younger than 50, called his friend and former employer, “One of the finest humans, I have ever known.” House Appropriations Committee chairman Dan Cooper replied to Robertson’s Facebook status by adding, “He was the best! Sad to lose him on Pearl Harbor Day. I will always remember his support and friendship.”

Patterson first entered the state treasurer’s office in 1966. From there on out, he kept that job with the exception of 1995-1999 and after losing to Thomas Ravenel in three years ago. That’s an incredible string of service while he watched other officials go in and out of the Governor’s Office and other higher-level positions. His passing led to an outpouring of good words from the political sphere.

Speaker of the House Bobby Harrell

Grady Patterson was a good friend to me and to the people of South Carolina. All of us who have had the pleasure of getting to know Grady over the rich history of his life will truly miss him. He selflessly served our country during a time of war, guided our state through his public service and devoted himself fully to his family. Our thoughts and prayers are with the Patterson family as we remember and honor the memory of this great South Carolinian.

Senate President Pro Tem Glenn McConnell

I was saddened to hear of the passing of Grady Patterson. He was someone who truly loved his state and his nation. He spent his entire adult life devoted to both his service to our country in the armed forces and in his public service to our state. The hallmark of his career is that he endeavored to make South Carolina a better place. Hopefully, his life will be an example to all of us of what public service should and can mean. He will be missed by those of us who were lucky enough to call him a friend, and those who didn’t have the honor of meeting him. Our thoughts and prayers go out to his family in this sad time.

Senate Minority Leader John Land

South Carolina has lost a true public servant. Grady dedicated his life to serving our country and our state. In addition to being a loving father and grandfather, Grady will be remembered as good steward of our tax dollars. During his terms as Treasurer, Grady’s common sense approach to managing the state’s finances kept South Carolina on the right financial track and his wise counsel was valuable as state leaders crafted policy. Grady was one of a kind and he will be missed.

Sen. Vince Sheheen, Democratic candidate for governor

Grady Patterson will be remembered for his service to our state and our nation. I had the honor of working for Grady as a college student, and I think his honor and integrity are a model for current leaders to follow. My family’s thoughts and prayers are with Mrs. Patterson and the family.

Bill Connor, Republican candidate for lieutenant governor

I am deeply saddened by the news of former state Treasurer Grady Patterson’s passing. Grady Patterson was a man of principle who served our nation well flying missions over Japan in World War Two before serving our state as Treasurer. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Patterson family today.

Steve Benjamin, candidate for Columbia mayor

We mourn the passing of true patriot today.

Whether as an attorney, an Air Force officer, a private citizen or our State Treasurer, Grady Patterson will be remembered across South Carolina as a man who always answered his call to duty with honor, humility, and without hesitation. His tireless dedication to the people of this state and this country will stand as an example for all who seek to serve.

We pass our most sincere condolences on to the Patterson family for their loss. DeAndrea and I will be keeping them in our prayers

As the House and Senate reconvened for the second day of the extended session on Wednesday, everything calmed down until the Boeing announcement came down.

johnroconnor: Spotted: House reading clerk Bubba Cromer wearing an alien mask at the desk.

ZacherMediaPR: John O’Connor, reporting the real news… RT @johnroconnor: Spotted: House reading clerk Bubba Cromer wearing an alien mask at the desk.

johnroconnor: @ZacherMediaPR well if the House isn’t going to make any news, someone has to

yvonnewenger: Statehouse is in a holding pattern … Boeing news could come at any time.

NathanBallentin: patience is a virtue

johnroconnor: Speaker Harrell, Sens. McConnell and Leatherman and Nexsen Pruett attys meeting in McConnell’s office now

RepAlanClemmons: Private meeting in State House. Attending: Speaker Harrell, Sen McConnell, Sen Leatherman, Billy Wilkins, and unknown others. #sctweets

RepAlanClemmons: RT @JenniferDale: RT @WMBFmegmiller: Reports: Boeing calls emergency meeting for 787 employees in Everett

RepAlanClemmons: Two unknown gentlemen just left the private statehouse meeting and went to Gov Sanford’s office.

dphamilton: SC House now considering economic development incentive package for “major economic development.” Passes by a vote of 106-0.

sendavidthomas: BREAKING NEWS via WYFF 4: Boeing to locate plant in North Charleston. Bringing 12,000 jobs

senatortomdavis: Official BEA state revenue impact of Boeing incentive package: http://bit.ly/2uFQu7 Voting on final passage of bill in about ten minutes.

RepAlanClemmons: Swarm of ladybugs just landed on the Statehouse. Good luck sign? http://twitpic.com/nazmc

johnroconnor: Seattle, Wash., just sent us e-mail. Boeing is coming to North Charleston. #chsbrkg #sc #chsnews (via @CRBJ)

shanemassey: Boeing announces that it is coming to SC! Huge win for SC!

wesleydonehue: Standing ovation in senate. This is amazing.

shanemassey: Boeing to build 787s in N. Charleston. Expected 4,000 spin off jobs throughout state. Big day for SC.

RepBoydBrown: Boeing bringing thousands of jobs to SC. Harrell: “SC is back in business”

RepAlanClemmons: Rep Jeff Duncan sporting Boeing lapel pin to commorate today’s big announcement. #sctweets

vincentsheheen: Great news from Boeing today … Just a precursor of what we can achieve with a vision and hard work!

Grooms4SCGov: Senator Grooms helps lay groundwork to bring Boeing to Charleston – More SC Jobs: http://bit.ly/1FkACK #sctweets #tcot #scgop

AntonJGunn: Yesterday and today were my two proudest days as a House Member. Helped unemployed South Carolinians and created 3,800 direct jobs! Yay!

votetimscott: Boeing is coming to N Chas!!! I started working on this project as Chair of county council & now seeing it fly in more jobs to our community

SenJohnLand: Great Day for South Carolina.

RepBoydBrown: Governor, Commerce thank General Assembly for landing Boeing in South Carolina

RepAlanClemmons: Senators Leatherman & McConnell, the main negotiators, bask in afterglow of SC Boeing announcement. #sctweets http://twitpic.com/nb63a

SamPJohnson: elated that General Assembly exteneded Unemployment Benefits and played vital role in Boeing to SC! About time they did something! #sctweets

ZacherMediaPR: Seattle Times: “I bet 25 years ago in Detroit, they thought nobody in the South could figure out how to build cars.” http://bit.ly/3hHfar

VoteConnor: thrilled for what Boeing brings to our states economic future!

Then, by way of Rep. James Smith, comes this cell phone picture of the vote board in the House:

A soldier and a supporter of Bill Connor for lieutenant governor had a not-too-nice phone call recently. Who knew the race for the No. 2 spot, an office with not much power, could be so contentious?

Bill Connor, an attorney and a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Army Reserves, announced his candidacy as a Republican for S.C. lieutenant governor on the north steps of the State House on Tuesday. Though he has not yet announced, it is believed that current Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer will run for governor in 2010.

“When I returned home, I was shocked to find that my country had started to abandon those principles we went overseas to protect,” Connor said in a statement, referring to coming back from Afghanistan. “I’m running for lieutenant governor to work to bring back those traditional values that our Founding Fathers wrote into our Declaration of Independence. I’m running to help South Carolina be the ‘shining city on a hill’ that Ronald Reagan once proclaimed America could be.”

Ed. note: the city on a hill comment was made in America’s colonial days by the Puritan leader and governor of the Massachusetts Bay colony, John Winthrop, in 1630. Reagan later co-opted it.

Connor, in addition to his service in the military and in law, wrote a book called “Articles from War,” a collection of his writings published in The Times and Democrat. All proceeds from his book are donated to private Christian schools in the Palmetto State.

However, in what is unusual for a first-time candidate, he also has a Web site linking to his extensive writings, which may not be the best thing for a candidate, as he will give any of his opponents a vast amount of oppo research to comb through.

Connor is the only candidate, so far, to announce for lieutenant governor.