Rep. Joey Millwood — thankfully, mercifully voted out of office by Republican voters in House District 38 on June 22 — can’t stop acting the fool. It seems to be part and parcel of his personality. The House’s part of the Spartanburg County’s incompetent duo (co-starring Sen. Lee Bright) is just a bottomless well of “what the fuck?” moments. Tuesday, as the House finished up its work for the year, he did it again.

See, when someone leaves a chamber of the General Assembly, no matter how short their term or poor their service, they get a fawning going-away party with local members wishing them bon voyage. In this case, Rep. Rita Allison got up and said some nice things. Then, and the details are murky, Millwood decided to have some words with Rep. Steve Parker.

Here’s Millwood’s take, in all its beautiful silliness:

“I mentioned to him, ‘Steve, I know what you were doing to me in the race. And I know the leadership knows, and a lot of other people know.’ Then he called me an arrogant S.O.B. — but he said the words — and said something about if I’d gotten along more with the delegation, we wouldn’t have done that,” Millwood said.

Millwood said he responded by likening Parker to a used car salesman.

“That wasn’t any cause for him to get in my face with his finger, and tell me we were going to go,” Millwood said. “He got nose-to-nose to me, and said, ‘We can take it back to the office, where he would kick my A-double-S.’ And he said that over and over. And then (Speaker Pro Tem) Harry Cato got between us. And as (Parker) was going out, he told me the offer still stands in Spartanburg.”

“A-double-S?” Hahaha. We didn’t know adults spoke like that. Anyway, the two were separated and Parker left the chamber, though Millwood claims Parker challenged him to fisticuffs. That wouldn’t be a far fight, anyway. All you have to do is recall the strategy of beating King Hippo in “Punch-Out!!” and Millwood’s going down.

Hey, Representative — you didn’t deserve to win last time and the voters corrected the result this time. Now go back to working far, far away from Columbia and save your sour grapes for people who give a damn.

Huzzah. Raise a flagon, ladies and gents, and celebrate the end of Rep. Joey Millwood‘s first and only term. He went down to defeat on Tuesday to former Landrum mayor Doug Brannon in the House District 38 GOP primary runoff, 51-49, a measure of 80 votes. But as they say, it ain’t horseshoes and it ain’t hand grenades. Just like that, the IQ quotient of the House went up a few points. And that’s a good thing.

Millwood was the only one of the Sandlapper Group‘s candidates (all hit list recruits) to win in 2008, and that was by a super-close margin as well. We were big fans of Millwood’s Web site that year, which looked just like, oh, every other site Sandlapper made for its clients in the cycle. If we thought we could make good money rolling out cookie-cutter sites with the candidates introducing themselves with basically the same script, we would have gone into that racket a long time ago.

Of course, this leaves a bit of a void for rampant dumbassery in the General Assembly. Indigo Journal‘s Tim Kelly said that he’ll have to find another person to make mugs about. We would suggest that he can’t go wrong with Sen. Lee Bright. The man’s positions are positively paleolithic, and he has a habit irritating nearly everybody in the Senate with his half-baked ideas and poorly thought-out actions.

There are some new people coming in, though. We’ll see what happens when Todd Atwater (HD-87), Bill Crosby (HD-117) and Andy Patrick (HD-123) hit the floor in January, not to mention the other likely new legislators who won primaries outright on June 8.

The two-year dumbassery of Rep. Joey Millwood may well be coming to an end, and none too soon. We still maintain that some illicit shit went down with his election in 2008, considering it was the only win by the Sandlapper Group, and it was so close. And that he’s such a fucking idiot. Really.

You know, if we knew that it was easy to sell out to an out-of-state financier, and be an overweight small-town sports editor, and get elected to the House, we would have done it long ago. Hell — we handled the sports sections of TWO small-town papers before we came down here. A tad bit more responsibility than Herr Millwood. By the way, did he have to take his own pictures, edit them and design his own pages? Because that’s a massive pain in the ass. Liked it a lot before when at other papers we just had a lot on our plate and only had to write.

It’s good to see that Millwood, as an incumbent, received less than 40 percent of the vote in his primary. He only beat former Landrum mayor Doug Brannon — a guy who actually makes sense — by about 1.16 percent. If you think the supporters of John Moore are going to go wholesale for Millwood, you’re suckling on the teat of the batshit crazy.

So, Milly, enjoy your last three days in the House. We’ll be having a party when you get sent back home.

It’s no surprise — Rep. Joey Millwood is in trouble, looking to secure his second term. He’s frequently made headlines, for all the wrong reasons. Even The Herald-Journal endorsed one of his opponents in the Republican primary, John Moore. Former Landrum mayor Doug Brannon is also in the race, and if the money is any indication, as into the game as the other two. There really isn’t any good reason Millwood was elected in the first place. This gives HD-38 voters two different people with which to correct that situation.

JOHN MOORE
Contributions: $1,450
(In-kind: $350)
Expenditures: $5,033.42
Cash-on-hand: $14,889.32

Significant contributions
None.

Significant expenditures
Dark Horse Strategy Group (consulting), $2,872.96, $642

JOEY MILLWOOD
Contributions: $11,945.50
(In-kind: $400)
Expenditures: $12,295.61
Cash on hand: $8,290.68

Significant contributions
S.C. Club for Growth, $1,000
Political action committee
Chad Walldorf, $1,000
Chairman, S.C. Club for Growth
S.C. Good Government Committee, $500
Political action committee of the S.C. Chamber of Commerce
S.C. House Republican Caucus, $5,000
Legislative caucus
Bo Aughtry, $100
Developer
Palmetto Patriot Leadership Committee, $1,000
Allied with Rep. Alan Clemmons

Significant expenditures
Skyagunsta (consulting), $5,005.89, $3,164.64

DOUG BRANNON
Contributions: $11,965
Expenditures: $10,415.28
Cash on hand: $3,577.37

Significant contributions
S.C. Trial Lawyers Association PAC, $1,000
Political action committee
Conservation Voters of S.C., $1,000
Environmental group

Significant expenditures
Campaign Research & Strategy (mail), $3,500

Former Landrum mayor Doug Brannon is getting into the primary race against Rep. Joey Millwood today, joining businessman John Moore. Former Rep. Bob Walker, who Millwood beat in one of the closest elections in the state, decided not to make another try at the office.

“I don’t necessarily need to be the legislator from District 38. And while Bob and I disagreed on some issues, he was a great representative, and did a great job representing District 38,” Brannon said in The Herald-Journal. “But I think now that Representative Walker is not holding that office, we need better representation — and I believe I’m it.”

With Brannon getting in the race, the odds are getting longer that Millwood will be able to win his second term. That is, unless Howard Rich steps up his funding of Millwood’s campaign to a whole ‘nother level above the Brinks truck that showed up last cycle.