The brilliant people over at The Onion put together this little bit of fun, but it struck us as unnecessary in certain states, to keep IHOP open 24 hours. Like, say, those states under the empire of Waffle House. Even in Columbia, while you may need to head down Garners Ferry or take your fellow legislators and lobbyists down I-26 to Greystone, you can find yourself an open Waffle House, and get yourself all the wonderful greasiness you’re looking for after crawling out of Bar None at 4 a.m. Or 5 a.m. Whatever floats your boat. Unless you just want to walk from the State House, but surely The Whig has tacos or something. Don’t always need pancakes, Representative.

So, you’re on the road and you’re ready to stop to eat. It’s been too long of the snacks and energy drinks and turning up your volume to a million decibels to stay awake. Where to eat? The road off the interstate is littered with chain restaurants of every type, and each one has a big sign to get your attention. The chips and salsa and Shanghai wings at Chili’s, or the salad bar at Ruby Tuesday? O lordy, so many choices. Fortunately, the inventive Web monkeys at Eating The Road created a flow chart to help you out.