Because, we come from a print journalism background, we carry the bias most print people have of their television colleagues. So, when this screen grab made its way across the Twitter feed Tuesday afternoon, it was time for much lollerskating. Keep up the good work, WIS.

Our wonderful Wonkette is starting an award series, called, naturally, the “Weeping Eagle Awards.” Today, the nominations went up for “America’s Bright Young Shining Star of American Political Insanity.” No, Rep. Nikki Haley is not a choice, but the Democratic nominee for U.S. Senate, Alvin Greene, is. While Greene didn’t need much campaigning to get his improbable result in the primary, and therefore will likely win this with 115 percent of the vote, we urge you to vote for the Man from Manning.

It’s not like he’s alone out there — the competition is fierce.

Now, go forth and vote — right hyah, if you please — and help bring a Weagle back to the Palmetto State.

“Bros icing bros” — it’s no longer limited to the Greek Village. Why, even in S.C. politics, there have been five instances of icing within a week. It’s like the NHL out there (when they discuss how this spread through Columbia politicos, Donehue’s going to be called “patient zero”). Slate‘s “Barack Obama’s Facebook Feed” taps into pop culture as always, riffing on President Barack Obama’s canning of Gen. Stanley McChrystal.

General, you’ve been iced.

Monday, “the Wonkette” published the second in a series of illustrations by new in-house cartoonist Benjamin Frisch on libertarian poster-gal Ayn Rand traveling to the future, being given the full treatment by old pal Alan Greenspan. And not really being down with this whole teabagger thing she inadvertently spawned. Perusing the last submission, we swore that, in panels right next to each other, were blogger and alleged representative-layer Will Folks and “birther queen” Orly Taitz.

Creepy.

We get a lot of weird emails over here, and this is the fruit of one of the weirdest, and most entertaining. Behold, the rhyme of the S.C. primary.

“We Got a Primary”
Jim Clyburn robo-callin’ me all day like a stalker ex
Vinny Sheheen sayin’ ain’t no runoff with Jim Rex
Kelly Payne damn changin’ the game for ed
Joe Wilson all “You lie” — oh, no, that’s what Haley said
What, what — it’s the primary down here in S.C.
What, what, got CNN, Chuck Todd, MSNBC
What, what, got Jakie Knotts, two more shots, burning crosses in Santee
What, what, know Wes Wolfe can only vote absentee

Callin’ all you Tea Party yellow coiled snake flag wavers
McMaster clowns got Will Folks doin’ Andre Bauer favors
Got emails, videos, private eyes out takin’ pictures
Bill Connor goin’ all “Too much of this” on Larry Richter
Everybody tweetin’ “Where the party at tomorrow evenin’?”
Bauer got a bus full of young chicks, cross the state line he leavin’
What, what it’s the primary down in Succa-lina
What, what, got national politicos sayin’ “Mmmmmm, nothin’ fine-uh”
What, what, got Gina Smith and her homeboy John O’Connah
What, what, got a primary down in Succa-lina
What, what, got a primary down in Succa-line

The brilliant people over at The Onion put together this little bit of fun, but it struck us as unnecessary in certain states, to keep IHOP open 24 hours. Like, say, those states under the empire of Waffle House. Even in Columbia, while you may need to head down Garners Ferry or take your fellow legislators and lobbyists down I-26 to Greystone, you can find yourself an open Waffle House, and get yourself all the wonderful greasiness you’re looking for after crawling out of Bar None at 4 a.m. Or 5 a.m. Whatever floats your boat. Unless you just want to walk from the State House, but surely The Whig has tacos or something. Don’t always need pancakes, Representative.

Who would have thought it? Even our best friends call us sybarites, but we just roll on, have fun, and don’t give two damns about the haters. Then we noticed something interesting. On Wonkette, Sarah Palin’s daughter’s name, Bristol, was ranked No. 666 last year. Damn.

That led us to investigating our own, which was much less related to the Mark of the Beast.

Good to know.

We had never heard of this strange festival before, but apparently in Aiken a celebration of the noble lobster is entering its 26th year. this evening, the Lobster Race will take place as lobster owners and their hard-shelled charges go to the streets to see which of the bugs of the sea was quickest on the track.

This year, the actual lobster races draw national attention as 14 heats with five lobsters each will race three meters across a Plexiglas lobster track. Challengers will be looking to beat the 16.15-second standing track record.

It’s unclear at this time as to whether a fast lobster is also a tasty lobster, or if they’re trained by a guy standing behind them and threatening them with a baster loaded down with clarified butter.

South Carolina head coach Steve Spurrier isn’t exactly like Alabama coach Nick Saban or Florida coach Urban Meyer. He’s not obsessed about his job. He’ll go golfing. He’ll chill the fuck out. We heard that right now, he’s snorkeling in the Bahamas. Sounds, pardon the pun, par for the course.

But, the man has a different way of winning ball games. He has a national championship and dominated the Southeastern Conference in the ’90s with quarterbacks who, by any measure, simply weren’t that spectacular. So, as he turns 65 and is still shit-kicking with the best of them, we get this fabulous picture.

Now, just beat Tennessee, Georgia and Florida, and you’re good to go, Steve. Touchdown.

It’s just impossible for us not to channel our internal Falco when thinking about Republican superintendent of education candidate Mick Zais. And, oh, this “Simpsons” clip doesn’t help.