Guess what? Remember when members of the House put out a number of bills going after “distracted drivers” dealing with their Blackberrys, iPhones and whatsis? The Senate says, “Hello!” Or, maybe a more appropriate greeting would be, “Can you hear me ticketing you now?”

Again, please some committee chairman combine these bills. There are some minor differences, but it’s basically all the same — don’t drive and talk on your mobile phone or being text messaging your pals or you’ll be in violation of the law.

S. 954: (Sen. Luke Rankin) A BILL TO AMEND CHAPTER 5, TITLE 56 OF THE 1976 CODE, BY ADDING ARTICLE 49, TO PROVIDE THAT IT IS UNLAWFUL FOR A DRIVER OVER THE AGE OF EIGHTEEN TO USE A WIRELESS TELEPHONE OR WIRELESS COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE WITHOUT A HANDS-FREE DEVICE, TO PROVIDE THAT IT IS UNLAWFUL FOR A DRIVER AGE EIGHTEEN OR YOUNGER TO USE A WIRELESS TELEPHONE OR WIRELESS COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE, TO PROVIDE THAT A VIOLATION OF THIS SECTION MAY NOT BE THE SOLE OR PRIMARY BASIS FOR A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER TO STOP A VEHICLE, TO PROVIDE FOR CERTAIN EXCEPTIONS, TO PROVIDE APPROPRIATE PENALTIES AND DEFINITIONS, AND TO PROVIDE FOR AN EDUCATION PROGRAM.

S. 970: (Sen. Kevin Bryant) A BILL TO AMEND THE CODE OF LAWS OF SOUTH CAROLINA, 1976, BY ADDING ARTICLE 50 TO CHAPTER 5, TITLE 56, TO PROVIDE THAT IT IS UNLAWFUL FOR DRIVERS TO SEND OR READ TEXT MESSAGES OR E-MAILS, TO PROVIDE THAT A VIOLATION OF THIS SECTION MAY NOT BE THE SOLE OR PRIMARY BASIS FOR A LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICER TO STOP A VEHICLE, TO PROVIDE FOR CERTAIN EXCEPTIONS, TO PROVIDE APPROPRIATE PENALTIES AND DEFINITIONS, AND TO PROVIDE FOR AN EDUCATION PROGRAM.

S. 991: (Sen. Mike Rose) A BILL TO AMEND CHAPTER 5, TITLE 56 OF THE 1976 CODE, BY ADDING SECTION 56-5-3895, TO PROVIDE THAT A PERSON MAY NOT OPERATE A MOTOR VEHICLE WHILE TEXT MESSAGING WITH A CELL PHONE OR OTHER WIRELESS COMMUNICATION DEVICE, AND TO PROVIDE FOR PENALTIES AND EXCEPTIONS.

On the continuing hypocrisy watch of those opposing mandated health insurance, we’ve got another winner. Come on down, Sen. David Thomas. What about all those hippie yay-hoos and their scooters going hither and yon? Make those long-hairs get insurance!

S. 922: A BILL TO AMEND THE CODE OF LAWS OF SOUTH CAROLINA, 1976, BY ADDING SECTION 56-1-1715 SO AS TO REQUIRE THE OWNERS OF A MOPED TO OBTAIN LIABILITY INSURANCE AS IS REQUIRED OF MOTOR VEHICLES; AND TO AMEND SECTION 38-77-30, RELATING TO DEFINITIONS USED IN THE REGULATION OF AUTOMOBILE INSURANCE, SO AS TO DELETE THE EXCEPTION OF A MOPED FROM THE DEFINITION OF “MOTOR VEHICLES”.

And let’s not leave out the seniors tooling around Sun City in their golf carts, Sen. Larry Martin.

S. 930: A BILL TO AMEND SECTION 56-3-115 OF THE 1976 CODE, RELATING TO GOLF CARTS, TO REQUIRE PERMITTED GOLF CARTS TO OPERATE ONLY WITHIN TWO MILES OF THE ADDRESS ON THE REGISTRATION AND TO REQUIRE PERMITS BE REPLACED EVERY FIVE YEARS OR AT TIME OF ADDRESS CHANGE.

You may not take your tricked-out golf cart to Bluffton, Bubba. We’re watching you.

ADDENDUM: You may have noticed that in the number of Senate prefiled bills posts, there was a paucity of Democrats called out. That’s because there were damn few bills prefiled by Senate Democrats. Why? Don’t know. Everybody and their mom was waiting for something wild from Sen. Robert Ford, but he didn’t have one bill in the hopper. Maybe the Dems are coordinated and have something up their sleeves, but, we, ah, hahahahaha. Coordinated Democrats? That’s a contradiction in terms.

Have a mobile phone? Of course you do. You probably yak on it and text your pals and do whatever you need to do on it, all day, all the time. In the prefiled bills, there are plenty that deal with your ability to use your phone in the car, or at a prison.

We’ll start of with the transportation bills. The first one comes from Rep. Don Bowen, and is going to hit pretty hard on females aged 16-28.

H. 4189: A BILL TO AMEND THE CODE OF LAWS OF SOUTH CAROLINA, 1976, BY ADDING SECTION 56-5-3890 SO AS TO PROVIDE THAT IT IS UNLAWFUL TO DRIVE A MOTOR VEHICLE WHILE TEXT MESSAGING, TEXTING, RECEIVING, OR READING TEXT MESSAGES OR PRINTED READING MATERIALS, AND TO PROVIDE A PENALTY.

Please, please, please — we hate text messaging when people are not traveling at more than 35mph, much less while behind wheel. The General Assembly shouldn’t have to pass a law to make you put the thing away. Joining Bowen in Rep. Bakari Sellers, who reminds you to not talk on your phone, either.

H. 4190: A BILL TO AMEND THE CODE OF LAWS OF SOUTH CAROLINA, 1976, BY ADDING SECTION 56-5-3890 SO AS TO PROVIDE THAT IT IS UNLAWFUL FOR A PERSON TO USE A HANDHELD WIRELESS COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE WHILE DRIVING A MOTOR VEHICLE AND TO PROVIDE A PENALTY FOR VIOLATING THIS PROVISION; AND TO AMEND SECTION 56-1-720, RELATING TO THE SCHEDULE OF POINTS ASSIGNED TO VARIOUS TRAFFIC VIOLATIONS, SO AS TO PROVIDE THAT USING A HANDHELD WIRELESS COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE WHILE DRIVING IS A TWO POINT VIOLATION.

Don’t think that the law is the only thing you may have to worry about when you whip out your celly for the latest important call. You can now be held civilly liable, if a bill proposed by Rep. Garry Smith goes through.

H. 4206: A BILL TO AMEND THE CODE OF LAWS OF SOUTH CAROLINA, 1976, BY ADDING SECTION 15-1-305 SO AS TO ALLOW THE INTRODUCTION OF EVIDENCE IN A CIVIL ACTION OF THE USE OF A CELL PHONE OR OTHER ELECTRONIC HANDHELD COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE AT THE TIME OF A MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENT AND TO PROVIDE EXCEPTIONS.

In the past few months, there’s been quite a bit of hullabaloo about mobile phones in prison. Some law enforcement agencies are using jamming towers to make sure that inmates can’t use them, and the use of such towers has been debated in court. Rep. Herb Kirsh is putting in legislation to make it illegal for an inmate to have a phone, or to give a phone to a prisoner.

H. 4191: A BILL TO AMEND THE CODE OF LAWS OF SOUTH CAROLINA, 1976, BY ADDING SECTION 24-3-955 SO AS TO PROVIDE THAT IT IS UNLAWFUL FOR A PERSON TO POSSESS A WIRELESS COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE ON THE PREMISES OF A DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS FACILITY UNDER CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES AND TO GIVE OR SELL A WIRELESS COMMUNICATIONS DEVICE OR ITS COMPONENTS TO AN INMATE OR TO A PERSON FOR DELIVERY TO AN INMATE, AND TO PROVIDE PENALTIES FOR VIOLATIONS OF THIS SECTION.