There are 34 bowl games this year, and we’re picking every damn one of them (probably with 60-70 percent success). You can follow the progress or join up and do battle with us through ESPN College Bowl Mania. We’re in “The League” and “The War Against Tebow.” TWAT (jokes!) is the brainchild of decamped S.C. blogger and good time Johnny, Micah Snead, so go there. But beware — Snead’s dad is a total ringer and will probably take the title by 20 points.

Dec. 19, 4:30 p.m., ESPN
Fresno State v. Wyoming

Dec. 19, 8 p.m., ESPN
Central Florida v. Rutgers

Dec. 20, 8:30 a.m., ESPN
Southern Miss v. Middle Tennessee State

Dec. 22, 8 p.m., ESPN
No. 18 Oregon State v. No. 14 BYU

Dec. 23, 8 p.m., ESPN
No. 23 Utah v. California

Dec. 24, 8 p.m., ESPN
Nevada v. Southern Methodist

Dec. 26, 1 p.m., ESPN
Marshall v. Ohio

Dec. 26, 4:30 p.m., ESPN
No. 17 Pitt v. North Carolina

Dec. 26, 8 p.m., ESPN
Boston College v. No. 24 Southern Cal

Dec. 27, 8:30 p.m., ESPN
Kentucky v. Clemson

Dec. 28, 5 p.m., ESPN2
Texas A&M v. Georgia

Dec. 29, 4:30 p.m., ESPN
UCLA v. Temple

Dec. 29, 8 p.m., ESPN
No. 15 Miami v. No. 25 Wisconsin

Dec. 30, 4:30 p.m., ESPN
Bowling Green v. Idaho

Dec. 30, 8 p.m., ESPN
No. 20 Arizona v. No. 22 Nebraska

Dec. 31, Noon, ESPN
Houston v. Air Force

Dec. 31, 2 p.m., CBS
Oklahoma v. No. 21 Stanford

Dec. 31, 3:30 p.m., ESPN
Navy v. Missouri

Dec. 31, 6 p.m., NFL Network
Minnesota v. Iowa State

Dec. 31, 7:30 p.m., ESPN
No. 11 Virginia Tech v. Tennessee

Jan. 1, 11 a.m., ESPN
Northwestern v. Auburn

Jan. 1, 1 p.m., CBS
No. 16 West Virginia v. Florida State

Jan. 1, 1 p.m., ESPN
No. 13 Penn State v. No. 12 LSU

Jan. 1, 4:30 p.m., ABC
No. 8 Ohio State v. No. 7 Oregon

Jan. 1, 8:30 p.m., Fox
No. 5 Florida v. No. 3 Cincinnati

Jan. 2, Noon, ESPN2
South Florida v. Northern Illinois

Jan. 2, 2 p.m., ESPN
South Carolina v. Connecticut

Jan. 2, 2 p.m., Fox
No. 19 Oklahoma State v. Ole Miss

Jan. 2, 5:30 p.m., ESPN
Arkansas v. East Carolina

Jan. 2, 9 p.m., ESPN
Michigan State v. Texas Tech

Jan. 4, 8 p.m., Fox
No. 6 Boise State v. No. 4 TCU

Jan. 5, 8 p.m., Fox
No. 10 Iowa v. No. 9 Georgia Tech

Jan. 6, 7 p.m., Fox
No. 25 Central Michigan v. Troy

Jan. 7, 8 p.m., ABC
No. 2 Texas v. No. 1 Alabama

Hey, look — mainframes! It’s hard not to think of these behemoths, and their sleeker ’90s counterparts, when thinking of the bank of computer polls being used as a third of the BCS formula. This week, for whatever reason, the computers were near-unanimous in picking Alabama as No. 1. Only the Anderson & Hester index didn’t, but since the top and the bottom polls are thrown out, Bama rolled to a perfect 1.000 average among the silicon set.

The human polls see it differently, so the Top Five looks the same.

BCS Standings
1. Florida (.9664)
2. Alabama (.9614)
3. Texas (.9263)
4. TCU (.8699)
5. Cincinnati (.8591)

USA Today Coaches’ Poll
1. Florida (47)
2. Texas (4)
3. Alabama (8)
4. TCU
5. Cincinnati

Harris Poll
1. Florida (78)
2. Texas (18)
3. Alabama (15)
4. TCU (3)
5. Cincinnati

AP Poll
1. Florida (36)
2. Alabama (13)
3. Texas (11)
4. TCU
5. Cincinnati

Yeah, that’s the same as last week, with some first-place votes moving around. TCU took one each from Texas and Alabama in the Harris Poll, while the Tide took one from Florida in the USA Today Coaches’ Poll. Frankly, with most of the major races in the country already decided, the only think that can flip the script is a spectacular upset. Of course, Alabama and Florida will play in the de facto national championship play-in game, Texas and Nebraska meet in the Big XII Championship Game, Georgia Tech and Clemson will play in the ACC title tilt, Oregon and Oregon State play for the Pac-10 championship, Cincinnati and Pittsburgh go for all the marbles in the Big East and Ohio State has already locked up the Big Ten.

Certainly, the next two weeks will decide conference winners, BCS bids and where everyone else goes in the major bowls. All you can pull for now, beyond those planned eventualities, is straight-up chaos. Texas, Alabama and Florida all lose to lesser rivals. Pitt beats Cincinnati, but TCU and Boise State advance to the national championship game. The Fiesta gets Texas, the Sugar gets the Florida/Bama winner and — surprise! — the SEC runs out of bowl spots and Carolina gets to shop for an at-large bid.

The Mountain West-WAC smackdown in Pasadena gets a decent amount of viewers. For five minutes. It then becomes the lowest-rated national championship game in years. Gnashing of teeth. People shooting their televisions. A parody of parity. Texas versus Iowa in the Fiesta and Alabama/Florida against Pitt don’t get many eyes, either. People swear off college football.

Floods.

Droughts.

Locusts.

Before you throw yourself out the window, we’re still probably going to see two hyper-talented, powerful teams meet for the national title. And that’s a good thing.

Barring some very bizarre events in the next three weeks, we’ve got your Top Six and guarantees for the major bowl games. Alabama, Florida, Texas, TCU, Cincinnati and Boise State will all likely head into the first week of December undefeated. Either the Crimson Tide or Gators will play Texas for it all, and the “BCS busters” will also make BCS games with unblemished records.

BCS Standings
1. Florida (.984)
2. Alabama (.952)
3. Texas (.923)
4. TCU (.862)
5. Cincinnati (.858)

USA Today Coaches’ Poll
1. Florida (48)
2. Texas (4)
3. Alabama (7)
4. TCU
5. Cincinnati

Harris Poll
1. Florida (78)
2. Texas (19)
3. Alabama (16)
4. TCU (1)
5. Cincinnati

AP Poll
1. Florida (36)
2. Alabama (14)
3. Texas (10)
4. TCU
5. Cincinnati

Because it’s unlikely that TCU, Boise State or Cincinnati will play each other, that means we could well end up with three undefeated teams after it’s all over. One title will go to the BCS champ. The AP could run with another team, but since Florida, Alabama and Texas have topped the rankings for so long, the winner of the title game will probably get the AP behind it, too.

Bowl’d
So, here’s how it stacks up.

BCS National Championship Game
Alabama or Florida v. Texas
Fiesta Bowl
Iowa v. Boise State
Sugar Bowl
Alabama or Florida v. Cincinnati
Orange Bowl
Georgia Tech v. TCU
Rose Bowl
Oregon v. Ohio State

The SEC now has nine teams that are bowl-eligible, including five of six teams in the SEC West. If Tennessee beats Vanderbilt or Kentucky, the Vols will make it 10. And, with two BCS teams, everybody moves up a slot.

Capital One Bowl
LSU v. Penn State
Outback Bowl
Ole Miss v. Wisconsin
Cotton Bowl
Arkansas v. Oklahoma State
Chick-fil-A Bowl
Georgia v. Clemson
Music City Bowl
Tennessee v. North Carolina
Liberty Bowl
Auburn v. SMU
Independence Bowl
Kentucky v. Iowa State
Papajohns.com Bowl
South Carolina v. West Virginia

U.S. Sen. Orrin Hatch of Utah wasn’t happy with what happened to his beloved Utes when they went 13-0 and beat Alabama in last year’s Sugar Bowl. He thought they should have had a chance to play in the Bowl Championship Series national championship game. Instead, Florida, and the best football player of our time, Tim Tebow, raised the crystal football for the Gators second national title in three years.

So, he convened a hearing into the BCS, with the intention of prodding the NCAA’s Football Bowl Subdivision into going to a playoff.

“The University of Utah finished the season by routing a team that had been ranked number one for much of the season,” he said. “It’s hard to imagine what more Utah could have done with its season in search of a national championship, yet under the BCS system, they were eliminated from such consideration before the season even started.”

Yes, Senator, that’s right. Utah plays in the Mountain West Conference, which isn’t known for a top-notch level of pigskin competition. Last season, the Utes ran up victories on such top-shelf squads as a 3-9 Michigan team, UNLV, Utah State, Air Force, Weber State (FCS), Oregon State, Wyoming, Colorado State, New Mexico, TCU, San Diego State and BYU. Six of the FBS teams they played had losing records. They’re also not known for attracting the best talent in the country. That’s why a two-loss SEC team can win it all, because children in the South are born holding a football and can run a sub-five-second 40-yard dash before kindergarten.

Nobody was too interested in seeing the spectacle that Hatch put on. U.S. Sen. Chuck Schumer showed up for all of three minutes, and U.S. Sen. Herb Kohl didn’t hang around long, either. Nonplussed, Hatch held sway for two hours, being told several different ways by Nebraska chancellor Harvey Perlman, in effect, “Tough titty.”

You would think such a dyed-in-the-wool conservative like Hatch would be in favor of the BCS. After all, it makes a ridiculous amount of money, and the bowls outside the BCS also generate a substantial amount of revenue for schools, conferences and the locality the bowl is located in. You think Shreveport wants to give away the Independence Bowl? Or Dallas the Cotton Bowl? Not so much.

While just about every other sport in the known world competes with a playoff or a points system, high-level college football does not. So it is. This sport, founded and dominated by northeastern teams at the beginning, was successfully hijacked by Neanderthals in the South and Midwest that name their children after famous players and coaches, and spend a fortune on RVs and season tickets. A couple, told in Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer, did not attend their daughter’s wedding because she made the mistake of scheduling it on the day of the Alabama-Tennessee game. She knew better, but did it anyway. We back the parents.

But, these fans do not have the money or the time to follow their school through three, four or five games away from home in a playoff. It’s fine for the “minor leagues” of college football, but FBS is about dollars. It’s as close to a professional sports atmosphere as you can get in amateur athletics.

Yes, the BCS is not perfect, but it is a good compromise between the playoff system and the old bowls/polls system. And if Hatch wants his Utes to get in the national championship game, he should advise Utah’s athletic department to join the Pac-10.