Like a trip to Miami.

A trip to Miami that involved parties. There was likely women and booze, but you can find that on campus. What isn’t usually found on campus are the leaches, the agents, the agent’s representatives that can finish off nearly a decade of respectability in an athletic program if a 20 or 21-year-old college student violates enough bylaws after being helped along by these people.

USC tight end Weslye Saunders is pals with Austin. He went down to Miami. He’s talked to the NCAA. Could Carolina be under the crosshairs? That’s unknown at this point, but what is known is that the infection is spreading, and confirmed our worst suspicions, as it broke late Tuesday that Alabama defensive end Marcell Dareus went to the party in question on South Beach. Tide coach Nick Saban said that university compliance officials are investigating the matter, but it doesn’t appear that the NCAA wants to talk to Dareus just yet.

Considering this happened after the season, there would likely be no big penalty, though if a serious enough infraction were made, Dareus could be ineligible for this season. We sincerely hope not, since he comes from our old neighborhood in Birmingham and is damn well the best down lineman returning this year. Needless to say, Alabama and the Southeastern Conference have been getting pretty experienced about these matters.

“Right now, agents are screwing it up,” Saban said. “They are taking the eligibility of players. It’s not right that those players do the wrong thing. We have a great education process here. We have a full-time worker who meets with players and their families and does everything else.”

In an interview with The Associated Press on Tuesday in advance of SEC media days, conference commissioner Mike Slive said that he would like the NCAA at some point to consider changes to rules involving agents.

“The agent issue is one that’s been of concern not only to us but I think to everyone associated with intercollegiate athletics and I do think it’s time to re-examine some of the NCAA rules that relate to agents,” he said. “I have felt for a long time that it would be helpful to be able to provide student-athletes with more information and more opportunities to learn what their professional potential might be than is currently allowed by NCAA rules.”

Slive said the SEC had already taken steps to help member schools deal with agent issues before the recent NCAA investigations. The league brought in consultant Joe Mendes earlier this year to meet with officials at all 12 institutions, “and several have retained him to help provide the kind of information and knowledge that our student-athletes need to make good decisions about their future,” Slive said. “And to do it the right way and not in violation of NCAA rules.”

We’re hoping this summer’s example of the NCAA feeling its oats is more of a prelude to developing new rules to protect athletes and less of a carpet-bombing of athletic programs.

The examples of that sort of success are legend. In the early ’90s, Bill Clinton and the Democratic Leadership Council dramatically changed the Democratic Party and moved it to the middle. In the ’60s, conservatives took over the Republican Party and never gave up control. Between the end of World War II and the ’60s, liberals and moderates from the Northeast, Midwest and Far West — and in the ’60s, a president from Texas — got together and ended the power Southerners had on the Party’s civil rights and social policy agenda. And there are other major and minor example that can be called up. Needless to say, it is possible to create a sea-change in major party politics.

But, people keep getting their panties in a wad and starting up new third parties. it’s like starting a bar in Five Points. People see Group Therapy and Bar None and think, not considering the regular failures of bars in the previous decade, that it would be a good idea. Then there’s bad accounting, mistakes on records or the simple travails of the business and it’s closed within a few years (bye, Jake’s, Mark’s, Rafters, Knock Knock Club/Flipside, old Group Therapy, Pub, Drink, &c.).

In North Carolina, the Service Employees International Union got it in their heads to start up a pro-union third party in what’s traditionally one of the most anti-union states in the country. They’re upset the state Democrats aren’t being responsive to union issues. What they fail to understand is that the entire state has been unresponsive to union issues since unions arrived in the Tar Heel State.

About 100 canvassers have been trying to collect the requisite signatures for the past two weeks to gain ballot access for the new party, which would be called North Carolina First. SEIU spokeswoman Lori Lodes said their primary focus was to officially register the party, but noted that the union was beginning conversations with possible candidates who could run under the party’s banner.

North Carolina Deputy Director of Elections Johnnie McLean said the SEIU had begun the petition process and must gather 85,379 signatures to turn in to county election offices by May 17. Certified petitions have to be sent to the state office by June 1. If the signatures are found to be valid, the new party would then hold a nominating convention to select candidates, with names due to the Election Board by July 1 in order to appear on the November ballot.

The announcement comes just weeks after SEIU, along with several other labor and progressive organizations, threatened to withhold their endorsement and even field challengers against Democrats who voted against the health care bill last month.

On the right, the teabaggers are upset at the Texas Republican Party and want an organization of their own. They’ve started the “Independent Conservative Republicans of Texas.” It’s less a third party than a PAC, but the general idea remains. They probably need to check themselves — when Texas Republicans aren’t conservative enough for you, you’re what most people would call “an extremist.”

Patrick said such a group is needed to differentiate true conservatives from Republicans who put their party’s future before their constituents. He pointed to Republicans in Congress who have been silent on embattled Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele.

“I don’t want those folks to represent who we are,” Patrick said.

Good luck with that.

North Carolina’s top attorney has rejected a call by his South Carolina counterpart to hold closed-door talks to settle a disputes over waterways that flow through the two states.

Attorney General Roy Cooper said in a letter released Friday that he wants the discussions in a commission appointed by both states to be open for public input. South Carolina’s top attorney, Henry McMaster, had suggested in a December letter to Cooper that the discussions be confidential.

Lordy. How can anybody feel fine with supporting McMaster, when he keeps egregiously fucking up? Either he has no decent political instincts, or his advisers are dumber than a sack of bricks.

Dec. 19, 4:30 p.m., ESPN
Fresno State v. Wyoming

Dec. 19, 8 p.m., ESPN
Central Florida v. Rutgers

Dec. 20, 8:30 a.m., ESPN
Southern Miss v. Middle Tennessee State

Dec. 22, 8 p.m., ESPN
No. 18 Oregon State v. No. 14 BYU

Dec. 23, 8 p.m., ESPN
No. 23 Utah v. California

Dec. 24, 8 p.m., ESPN
Nevada v. Southern Methodist

Dec. 26, 1 p.m., ESPN
Marshall v. Ohio

Dec. 26, 4:30 p.m., ESPN
No. 17 Pitt v. North Carolina

Dec. 26, 8 p.m., ESPN
Boston College v. No. 24 Southern Cal

Dec. 27, 8:30 p.m., ESPN
Kentucky v. Clemson

Dec. 28, 5 p.m., ESPN2
Texas A&M v. Georgia

Dec. 29, 4:30 p.m., ESPN
UCLA v. Temple

Dec. 29, 8 p.m., ESPN
No. 15 Miami v. No. 25 Wisconsin

Dec. 30, 4:30 p.m., ESPN
Bowling Green v. Idaho

Dec. 30, 8 p.m., ESPN
No. 20 Arizona v. No. 22 Nebraska

Dec. 31, Noon, ESPN
Houston v. Air Force

Dec. 31, 2 p.m., CBS
Oklahoma v. No. 21 Stanford

Dec. 31, 3:30 p.m., ESPN
Navy v. Missouri

Dec. 31, 6 p.m., NFL Network
Minnesota v. Iowa State

Dec. 31, 7:30 p.m., ESPN
No. 11 Virginia Tech v. Tennessee

Jan. 1, 11 a.m., ESPN
Northwestern v. Auburn

Jan. 1, 1 p.m., CBS
No. 16 West Virginia v. Florida State

Jan. 1, 1 p.m., ESPN
No. 13 Penn State v. No. 12 LSU

Jan. 1, 4:30 p.m., ABC
No. 8 Ohio State v. No. 7 Oregon

Jan. 1, 8:30 p.m., Fox
No. 5 Florida v. No. 3 Cincinnati

Jan. 2, Noon, ESPN2
South Florida v. Northern Illinois

Jan. 2, 2 p.m., ESPN
South Carolina v. Connecticut

Jan. 2, 2 p.m., Fox
No. 19 Oklahoma State v. Ole Miss

Jan. 2, 5:30 p.m., ESPN
Arkansas v. East Carolina

Jan. 2, 9 p.m., ESPN
Michigan State v. Texas Tech

Jan. 4, 8 p.m., Fox
No. 6 Boise State v. No. 4 TCU

Jan. 5, 8 p.m., Fox
No. 10 Iowa v. No. 9 Georgia Tech

Jan. 6, 7 p.m., Fox
No. 25 Central Michigan v. Troy

Jan. 7, 8 p.m., ABC
No. 2 Texas v. No. 1 Alabama

USE OF PUBLIC OFFICE FOR PERSONAL FINANCIAL GAIN
Section 8-13-700(A), S.C. Code ann., 1976, as amended
37 counts

Upgrade on flight

• Graz, Austria to Frankfurt, Germany (2005)
• Frankfurt, Germany to Charlotte, N.C. (2005)
• Chicago, Ill. To Tokyo, Japan (2005)
• Tokyo, Japan to Shanghai, China (2005)
• Beijing, China to Chicago, Ill. (2005)
• Charlotte, N.C. to London, U.K. (2006)
• London, U.K. to Charlotte, N.C. (2006)
• Charlotte, N.C. to Munich, Germany (2007)
• Munich, Germany to Paris, France (2007)
• Munich, Germany to Charlotte, N.C. (2007)
• Washington, D.C. to Beijing, China (2007)
• Beijing, China to Washington, D.C. (2007)
• Columbia, S.C. to Atlanta, Ga. (2008)
• Atlanta, Ga. to Sao Paulo, Brazil (2008)
• Cordoba, Brazil to Buenos Aires, Argentina (2008)
• Buenos Aires, Argentina to Atlanta, Ga. (2008)
• Upgrade on flight from Charlotte, N.C. to New York, N.Y. (2009)
• Upgrade on flight from New York, N.Y. to Warsaw, Poland (2009)

Improper use of state plane

• Spartanburg, S.C. to Clemson/Oconee County for a county party dinner (2005)
• Columbia, S.C. to North Myrtle Beach, S.C., transporting a Governor’s Office staffer, then North Myrtle Beach, S.C. to Columbia, S.C. for staffer and himself to receive a haircut (2006)
• Columbia, S.C. to Mt. Pleasant, S.C. for a book signing (2006)
• Mt. Pleasant, S.C. to Aiken, S.C. for a birthday party for a contributor (2006)
• Lewisburg, W.Va. to Brunswick, Ga. for family for a personal weekend (2006)
• North Myrtle Beach, S.C. to Columbia, S.C. for son’s sporting event (2007)
• Columbia, S.C. to Greenville S.C. for House Republican Caucus reception (2007)
• Columbia, S.C. to Greenwood, S.C. to Charleston, S.C. for Reason Weekend dinner (2008)
• Columbia, S.C. to Myrtle Beach, S.C. for family to attend “soft” opening of Hard Rock Park (2008)

Campaign funds for personal use

• Receiving $40 for activity not related to the campaign (2006)
• Receiving $329.40 for expenses from attending the Alfalfa Club Dinner in Washington, D.C. (2007)
• Giving $610.30 to staffer Marisa Crawford to attend the Republican Governors Association meeting (2007)
• Receiving $181.23 for direct marketing, telephone, Internet and/or cable services at the Governor’s Mansion (2008)
• Receiving $280.16 for direct marketing, telephone, Internet and/or cable services at the Governor’s Mansion (2008)
• Receiving $297.89 for direct marketing, telephone, Internet and/or cable services at the Governor’s Mansion (2008)
• Receiving $864.90 for expenses from the Republican Governors Association meeting and a hunting trip in Ireland (2008)
• Receiving $79.95 for direct marketing (2009)
• Receiving $96.95 for direct marketing and a presidential inauguration ticket (2009)
• Receiving $159.90 for direct marketing (2009)

S.C. Ethics Commission report

Happiest States in the South
15. Virginia
21. Texas
23. Georgia
26. South Carolina
30. Florida
33. Alabama
34. North Carolina
40. Louisiana
42. Tennessee
46. Arkansas
48. Mississippi
49. Kentucky
50. West Virginia

Dear Minions of the SPN Empire:

It has sadly come to my attention that many of the younger members of our Freedom Movement have never watched “Animal House” and may not understand the cultural significance of a Toga Party. Here I’ll blame public education and their parents breast feeding them too long while watching Oprah. Sadder still are the older, goodie-two-shoes, pencil-neck types in our movement who only used a beer bong in college to hold their protractors and HP calculators. I won’t mention people like Joe Lehman or Lynn Harsh so as not to embarrass their colleagues.

To right these wrongs you are hereby ordered to join me at the Toga Celebration in Asheville, within the SPN Annual Meeting! Yours truly serves as Emperor of Ceremonies. The festivities take place Tues., Nov. 3, 10:00 pm to 1:00 am (10:00 pm to 10:15 pm for Gisele Huff to lessen any sexual harassment lawsuits). You will celebrate with me in festive toga fashion – or to the Coliseum and lions for you.

Toga Celebration minutiae, approved by me, Emperor of Ceremonies:

* In honor of Animal House, all party entrants must wear a toga at the festivities. And by the way, wearing pants with a toga is like wearing suspenders and a belt; or as we say in Colorado, pulling a “Gary Palmer.”
* Those who don’t sport a toga will be thoroughly embarrassed by a roaming rogue troupe of Cirque du Soleil rejects.
* You should bring your toga from home (someone needs to tell Carl Helstrom that’s just a bed sheet). This likely means we get to see Kurt Weber wearing something with a Spiderman theme
* A Best Toga Contest will take place for males, females and asexual Mackinac employees.
* A rigged jury will likely declare me the Best Toga Contest winner (for males)
* Orgy to follow the Toga Celebration, location TBA (no toga required)
* SPN’s attorneys “encouraged” me to state: This isn’t an SPN thing. The Toga Celebration is hosted by: Students for Liberty, Foundation for Economic Education, Institute for Humane Studies and Liberty on the Rocks.

Do join me, Emperor of Ceremonies, for much needed think-tank bacchanal. Attached is a Love is Hell cartoon to help launch the Toga Celebration spirit.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

Emperor of Ceremonies

Jon Caldara

President, Independence Institute

For what it’s worth, there’s already an open wine bar scheduled for the first night. As Caldara wrote, the toga party is hosted by Students for Liberty, Liberty on the Rocks, the Institute for Humane Studies and the Foundation for Economic Education (also, the Institute for the Foundation for Liberty. Libertylibertyliberty. Liberty.). We anxiously await pictures of Policy Council staff getting loaded, wearing togas.

One group of chickens bested another in a very strange cockfight — because of the pending Chick-fil-A Kickoff Game between LSU and North Carolina in 2010, UNC’s return trip to Columbia to play Carolina is pretty much done, delayed indefinitely.

Not that the Carolina administration has a problem with that. Because of the contract between the two programs, UNC is on the hook for $750,000 and has to pony up a suitable replacement. What does one consider a doppelganger for the Tar Heels? We would say Kentucky, but it’s on the schedule every year. Maybe Louisville’s open.

But, USC is willing to play ball. According to The State, Carolina SID Steve Fink said everything is OK as long as North Carolina finds a good replacement and agrees to reschedule the game. With next year’s LSU-UNC game evidently being engineered by ESPN, the Worldwide Leader is also chipping in with promises.

The way it works, for the billionth year in a row, in 2010 Carolina will have the chance to play sloppy/bore America to death by opening up the season in prime time on ESPN. Also, the Mothership (which apparently has sway over conference schedules) will give USC a mid-season off week.

Mind you, none of this is official, but we don’t see ESPN’s desires being refused.