You have to hand it to Western criminal justice systems. Those states seem to have had a historical legacy of interesting conventions. In McAlester, Okla., there was an annual rodeo for the prisoners and some competitors who went up against the guys on the inside. It was a big deal in the town of 18,000 in the middle of nowhere. To give you an idea of how small this place is, the nearby McAlester Army Ammunition Plant (home of the “mother of all bombs”) dwarfs it in geographical size. Not that it really needs to, right? Just drop those bombs wherever you damn well please.

Anyway, like all governments, Oklahoma is hurting, so it ended funding of the hootenanny. The town would almost double in size every year and bring in a lot of revenue, but the state figured it couldn’t stick the taxpayers with the $120,000 bill so that inmates can tangle with a bronco or two. Come on, Sooners. Let’s get some sponsorships in there. You know, gun makers, bail bondsmen, Army surplus stores and the like.

As you know, an inmate without a bull to ride is a sad inmate indeed. And what of the clowns? WHO’S THINKING OF THE CLOWNS?

There are 34 bowl games this year, and we’re picking every damn one of them (probably with 60-70 percent success). You can follow the progress or join up and do battle with us through ESPN College Bowl Mania. We’re in “The League” and “The War Against Tebow.” TWAT (jokes!) is the brainchild of decamped S.C. blogger and good time Johnny, Micah Snead, so go there. But beware — Snead’s dad is a total ringer and will probably take the title by 20 points.

Dec. 19, 4:30 p.m., ESPN
Fresno State v. Wyoming

Dec. 19, 8 p.m., ESPN
Central Florida v. Rutgers

Dec. 20, 8:30 a.m., ESPN
Southern Miss v. Middle Tennessee State

Dec. 22, 8 p.m., ESPN
No. 18 Oregon State v. No. 14 BYU

Dec. 23, 8 p.m., ESPN
No. 23 Utah v. California

Dec. 24, 8 p.m., ESPN
Nevada v. Southern Methodist

Dec. 26, 1 p.m., ESPN
Marshall v. Ohio

Dec. 26, 4:30 p.m., ESPN
No. 17 Pitt v. North Carolina

Dec. 26, 8 p.m., ESPN
Boston College v. No. 24 Southern Cal

Dec. 27, 8:30 p.m., ESPN
Kentucky v. Clemson

Dec. 28, 5 p.m., ESPN2
Texas A&M v. Georgia

Dec. 29, 4:30 p.m., ESPN
UCLA v. Temple

Dec. 29, 8 p.m., ESPN
No. 15 Miami v. No. 25 Wisconsin

Dec. 30, 4:30 p.m., ESPN
Bowling Green v. Idaho

Dec. 30, 8 p.m., ESPN
No. 20 Arizona v. No. 22 Nebraska

Dec. 31, Noon, ESPN
Houston v. Air Force

Dec. 31, 2 p.m., CBS
Oklahoma v. No. 21 Stanford

Dec. 31, 3:30 p.m., ESPN
Navy v. Missouri

Dec. 31, 6 p.m., NFL Network
Minnesota v. Iowa State

Dec. 31, 7:30 p.m., ESPN
No. 11 Virginia Tech v. Tennessee

Jan. 1, 11 a.m., ESPN
Northwestern v. Auburn

Jan. 1, 1 p.m., CBS
No. 16 West Virginia v. Florida State

Jan. 1, 1 p.m., ESPN
No. 13 Penn State v. No. 12 LSU

Jan. 1, 4:30 p.m., ABC
No. 8 Ohio State v. No. 7 Oregon

Jan. 1, 8:30 p.m., Fox
No. 5 Florida v. No. 3 Cincinnati

Jan. 2, Noon, ESPN2
South Florida v. Northern Illinois

Jan. 2, 2 p.m., ESPN
South Carolina v. Connecticut

Jan. 2, 2 p.m., Fox
No. 19 Oklahoma State v. Ole Miss

Jan. 2, 5:30 p.m., ESPN
Arkansas v. East Carolina

Jan. 2, 9 p.m., ESPN
Michigan State v. Texas Tech

Jan. 4, 8 p.m., Fox
No. 6 Boise State v. No. 4 TCU

Jan. 5, 8 p.m., Fox
No. 10 Iowa v. No. 9 Georgia Tech

Jan. 6, 7 p.m., Fox
No. 25 Central Michigan v. Troy

Jan. 7, 8 p.m., ABC
No. 2 Texas v. No. 1 Alabama

Nike’s bizarre, “tradition ain’t shit” uniform policy will befoul a number of teams for the rest of the month. Alabama, thank God, has been limited to the swoosh, the NCAA-mandated conference pennant and the script A, through there was that houndstooth collar mess for the 2006 Ole Miss game.

It appears the garish ensemble will come out for the Florida State game (but there hasn’t been a definitive statement). The Seminoles will also be wearing the misfit creation, with a black helmet. Don’t drink too much, as you might not recognize who’s on the field. We haven’t found a picture of the side of the Florida helmet, but unless it’s got the old-school F on that white melon case, it’s going to be even more strange. Throw a blue helmet on there, and you’d swear it’s Kentucky.

The other ones are even weirder. LSU’s look like a direct rip from Washington. The helmets are gold. TCU’s entry has pants that look like scales and red stripes on the helmet. Horned frogs, you see, shoot blood out of their eyes. Miami has two-tone numbers, but the only tradition there is thuggery and fairweather fans, so that’s no big deal.